


Wants and Needs

by KillerPen



Category: Akagami no Shirayukihime
Genre: But we love him anyway for some reason, Dinner Party, Drama, F/M, Feelings Realization, Fluff, Heartache, Hurt/Comfort, Izana being a jerk, Marriage Proposal, Memories, Pining, Romance, Romantic Fluff, Social status Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-12
Updated: 2017-09-12
Packaged: 2018-12-26 17:55:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,360
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12064089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KillerPen/pseuds/KillerPen
Summary: "It is funny, isn't it Shirayuki?" Izana drawls regally, suddenly directing attention to her, eyes glittering as he sets his first piece on a metaphorical board.Shirayuki's eyes narrow, glinting even, as she lifts a fork full of pasta to her lips, "What could you find so humorous Your Majesty?"He sips his wine casually, as if he wasn't a king, just merely a man having a simple conversation with her.She knows better than to fall for this trap of his."Oh, how you've known Zen for so long and yet - neither of you are to marry, even with Zen's constant reassurance that you will be."That made little sense to her.





	Wants and Needs

**Author's Note:**

> This was a random idea that popped in my head while eating dinner on the couch.  
> Inspiration can come in such weird times.

She wasn't meant for these types of things.

She _knows_ that. But she still goes, for Zen, she is here.

Here with her hair done in a unique up do by a flurry of excited hand maids. Her ears and neck and wrist are all adorned with heavy borrowed diamonds from Kiki; she's been pinched, pulled and squeezed into a dress that stuck to her upper half like a second skin made of black satin and billows in yellow chiffon and silk skirt from the waist down well past her feet, to the point of dragging. She's sure she'll suffocate before the night is over.

She flushes though from heat instead of excitement, which of course was what that flush was mistaken for.

She is so uncomfortable, it's starting to crack her mask, the mask she'd learnt to wear from years of attending events with Zen. _Years_ of pretending to be one of them.

But this dinner is important. Zen stressed that to her.

She remembers vividly.

                   __________

_"I need you to be there." Zen is all aflutter with insistence._

_She sighs,"Why Zen? You've gone to fancy dinners by yourself before. Why do I have to be there?"_

_He looks diverted for a moment before glancing back at her, "Shirayuki, please, this is important to me." He's using_ that _voice, the one that goes all gentle and needy for her._

_She gives in."Fine. I'll go."_

                 __________

But now, as she stares at the banquet hall of the mansion they were invited to, she's losing her nerve, she has done this before, of course...  but something feels _off_ and She can't, for the life of her, figure out what it is.

"Zen, maybe I should hold your arm and-" Her hand clutches empty air, with a dropping heart she looks to find Zen already in a seemingly engaging conversation with a Marquis from somewhere she doesn't know.

A strong warm hand presses against her lower back suddenly, nearly caressing it as a steady and relieving presence falls behind her.

"You'll be fine Miss," Obi's voice is low in her ear, warm breath stirring her red curls.

 _Oh_. Obi... _that's_ what felt off. She was missing him. But he was here now, just a little behind them that's all, he road on horseback behind their carriage, nothing to worry about now.

"Thanks Obi." She tilts her head so he can see her smile.

He flashes her one right back and offers an arm,"Master might take a while, that guy is important and His Highness wants Master to charm him for something."

"Ah." She understands, _really_ she does. But Zen explicitly told her, no, _begged_ her, to come to this dinner with him. It was disappointing. But the sting would wear off, it always did.

Unfortunately, it showed on her face for the moment and Obi saw. 

"You look beautiful Miss." He gives her a warmer smile now, urging her to cheer up.

She does a little."Thanks Obi. But I feel pretty fake like this."

"Hmm," His hum makes her tingle a little,"nothing could _ever_ make you fake Miss."

She forgets Zen's disappointing princely duties and leans against her knight. His words make her happily flush against her will without realizing it.

Obi sees it; mistakens it for exasperation. He falls silent and leads her towards the entrance.

This was second nature to them, they've both become incredible actors in this department. They fake professionalism. They play the role of the princes love and her servent. They act in accordance to the royal's rules. Nobody pays them any mind.

                 _________

  Zen still isn't inside when the dances start.

Obi watches her, her fingers twitch tellingly, she fidgets with the diamond bracelet that's too heavy for her fine wrist, she's getting antsy.

_Oh Master, if you would just speed it up a little._

"Care to dance Miss?" _Anything to get your mind off of nerves._

"Obi," she hisses low,"you _know_ I can't dance... like them."

Obi laughs, the sound making his Miss stiffen though he doesn't know why."Doesn't matter. You should know that by now."

He grabs her hand and pulls her to the center of the floor so smoothly she doesn't remember taking that many steps to get there.

"Obi."

" _Miss_."

She gives up and lets him lead her. He's much better at it when he wants to be.

Shirayuki finds it fun, she's enjoying herself, Obi always manages to make her enjoy herself. She laughs softly when he sends her in a gentle twirl, her skirt billowing up, revealing a very _distracting_ amount of her legs.

He keeps her steady, his hands warm where they press on her waist and hold her hand as he laughs right along with her.

"Oh Miss, that _almost_ looked graceful." He teases as she nearly falls on him.

She huffs, face prettily pink, "I've improved and you know it." She says in mock fierceness.

Obi laughs again."Yes, yes you have." The words come out fonder than he means for them to sound.

She catches the missing teasing note and her eyes lock with his as he twirls her and rewinds her to press right up against him as the song ends. Shirayuki doesn't understand the sudden case of lightheadedness she's strangely experiencing as Obi slowly, almost painfully, slides his eyes away from hers.

"Master!" His smile is _too_ happy, too _eager_. She feels the force he uses to put it there.

"Thanks Obi," Zen says smoothly, arm wrapping around her waist, ready to fill in his role as her lover, as if Obi was just substituting until he got back. Like a business transaction.

She feels a twinge of ache as Obi bows and disappears into the mingling crowd.

"Sorry that took so long. That Marquis can talk." Zen smiles, charming as always. But somehow... it doesn't distract her as easily as it once had.

"That's alright." She says with some effort, wondering, for the hundredth time that night, why Zen wanted her here so badly.

The dinner gong breaks that train of thought for the moment.

 

                  __________

The dinner is set for groups. 

Each group had their own table, waiters, and people.

Unfortunately, Shirayuki realizes her table was with everyone of a higher rank. She was just the pharmacist that was lucky enough to be there. These people _belonged_ here.

Zen, Lord Haruka, Izana and his breathtakingly beautiful fiancé, Lady Haki, who was the picture of a perfect future queen.

 Then there was her. The only reason she stands out worse is because of her shocking hair.

She wants to disappear.

Or at least have Obi here to make her laugh.

The dinner is relatively silent, only disturbed by either male of the table inquiring about some type of business or other.

Shirayuki wishes for her plants and the comfortable silence she has with Obi. Not the awkward ache she feels when ever they stop talking.

She should have know silence was better, awkward or not.

"It is funny, isn't it Shirayuki." Izana drawls regally, suddenly directing attention to her, eyes glittering as he sets his first piece on a metaphorical board.

  
Shirayuki's eyes narrow, glinting even, as she lifts a fork full of pasta to her lips, "What could you find so humorous Your Majesty?"

  
He sips his wine casually, as if he wasn't a king, just merely a man having a simple conversation with her.

  
She knows better than to fall for this trap of his.

  
"Oh, how you've known Zen for so long and yet- neither of you are to marry, even with Zen's constant reassurance that you will be."

That made little sense to her.

Zen clears his throat, stopping both of them. "Actually Lord Brother, that's... what I wanted to clear up at this dinner."

All look at him, Haruka paling terribly, as if the food disagreed with him. Izana merely raises a sharp brow at his brother, as surprised as he would ever look in public. Haki watches, silent and soft and-Shirayuki, she was watching Shirayuki. And by the perplexed look on her face she saw something on Shirayuki's face that must have not matched the reaction she should be having.

She looks terrified

Her heart stops for a moment, she feels suddenly sick, she can't, she _can't_ understand what he's saying. _What is he saying!?_ Why is she... so afraid all of a sudden?

Zen smiles gently, obviously missing her confusing reaction."I've brought her here tonight," his hands go to his pocket and pull out a soft green velvet box.

Never has she been so terrified in all her life.

Not even all those times she was nearly killed.

This- this isn't _right_. _Something_ isn't right. The words repeat in her mind like a warning, over and over.

 _Not_ right. Not _right_.  _Not right._

"For this," Zen's eyes are on her now, soft, blue, and beautiful, "Shirayuki... you've been a becon by my side for so long,"

No she hasn't, she's barley been around him in all these years she's known him, and whenever they did meet... he always has something to distract him.

"And I know you have what it takes to be a wonderful princess and wife,"

 _How_? How can he _know_? He doesn't have other examples to compare her to. She feels faint as he gets down on one knee.

Izana's expression is one of pure enjoyment, as if he was watching his favorite opera and the best part was about to unfold.

"Shirayuki, will you honor me and Clarines, by becoming my bride?"

The ring is beautiful, stunning, gold intertwined with silver, blue sapphires decorating the top, two small, one in the shape of a heart, bigger in the middle.

She's been silent for too long.

Zen casts her a worried look now, people have noticed his kneeling and are watching. Izana waits, he's enjoying this _so much._ Shirayukiwishes she could kick him... if he wasn't  a king.

Haki seems sympathetic, and Haruka... he looks ready to implode.

"Shirayuki?" His voice is soft, and... _afraid_.

She looks, she shouldn't have.

He looks afraid, as if the thought of her rejecting him never crossed on him until now and he would not know what to do if she did.

Her mind was whirling, why wasn't she answering? 

 _Why is it so hard?_ She can't understand, a few years ago she was waiting for these words. For this moment... and now-

Now she wishes it never came.

Zen goes pale as their eyes meet, hers are uncertain and in pain. His, terrified.

"Shirayuki please." He's begging a little now, his eyes wandering, people were watching so intently it was near suffocating. Answer! _Answer_! _Any_ answer at all was better than being watched in silence.

"Oh _dear_ , brother, it would seem our little pharmacist isn't quit so eager anymore." Izana's voice is smooth, silky and- he knows.

Great god, he _knows_. 

Then why doesn't _she_?

Her heart gives one more painful stab and she jumps out of her seat, chair falling back with a horrid clatter, dishes slide around as she accidentally bumps the table.

Her face is as red as her hair; throwing Zen a helplessly distraught look, she runs.

Runs away from the eyes of people she couldn't be like.

Runs away from the man she thought she loved.

Runs away from... from _pretending_.

Because she isn't, _not anymore._

                ___________

The trip home was dark and cold and lonely. She'd left, she didn't know what happened but she didn't care all too much right now.

She just needs her room, she needs to peel all this falseness off of her. She needs...

 _She needs Obi_.

Shirayuki's breath leaves her. Her body freezes mid staircase as if someone dumped a bucket of ice water on her.

 _Obi_.

She lets out a strained sob.

She needs Obi.

Oh... _oh_.

Things suddenly are clear, so _clear_ , so painfully, _agonizingly_ clear.

Obi is always by her side. Always there to help her, to protect her, to put up with her ridiculousness.

Obi was the one who kept her warm and safe. Who always felt like a constant presence, and who fit into her world so easily, it's like he'd been sewn into it forever. And when he wasn't there, she never felt anyone's missing presence as sorely as she did his.

She wanted Zen before. She thought she did.

But his world was so vast and fast and... hard for her to keep up with. She _couldn't_ give Zen what he needed, even if she was what he wanted.

But he isn't what she needs either.

She gaspes and lifts her skirts clear off the ground and runs. Runs to her room, somehow she knows, she _knows_ he'll be there, that he found out about the whole thing and rushed back home to see if she was alright.

 _She knows_.

Her thoughts are right. There he stands when she bursts into the room. Tall, lean, clad in black familiarity and-

_She loves it._

With a sudden sob she runs towards him, arms outstretched.

Obi's eyes widen,"Miss, Master said you- Omph!"

She hugs him, hugs him tight, for everything he's done for her, _with_ her, for all the times he's been there, for all the moments they've had.

She hugs him and sobs against his rough coat. Never wanting to let go.

"Miss?" His voice is soft in the dark, he's composing himself now, his hand rests on her head as she still clings to him.

"Miss, what exactly happened?" He doesn't know.

She thought Zen would tell him... but than it makes sense he didn't. After all, why would he _willingly_ tell someone of the embarrassment of being rejected so horribly.

"Zen asked me to marry him." She's shaking, refusing to let him go.

 Obi, for his part, stiffens ever so slightly, his grip tightens around her.

The room is dark and the silence heavy.

She didn't understand that. What suddenly weighed them down?

"And? Should I... congratulate or..." He lets the sentence drag off, as if afraid there _wasn't_ an alternative.

"No. I-I said... um, I _left_. Basically a no in my mind but-but I probably have to say it in words... tomorrow. Maybe." She is so uncertain, her voice so small it makes him want to wrap her up and hug all the pain away.

"Oh Miss..." He's the one that doesn't understand now,"why? What did Master do wrong? Did he drop the ring or say the proposal backwards?" He was trying to joke, trying to make her laugh. Trying to take away this fearful, horrible, _hopeful_ feeling inside that... feels like it should be considered betrayal... but he doesn't want it to be.

"No. I just-" She pulls back, her eyes connect with his. He's forgotten how to breath.

"I don't love him like that anymore... maybe I..." She bits her lip, eyelashes fluttering. She's suddenly painfully aware of how much she wants to kiss him.

_So much._

"Obi," Her voice drops into a whisper, she slides her hand behind his neck and presses her fingers into it, the stutter of breath he makes doesn't go unnoticed. That's when she relizes, although she already sort of knew, he needs her too.

There are no more words. She leans forward, lips a hairs width apart from his, waiting for him to close the ridiculously small space.

He does.

Shirayuki expects ... she wasn't sure _what_ she expects from Obi. But the hot slant of his lips against hers, wasn't it.

He takes it. _All of it._

His head tilts as his hands fall to her hips dragging her flush against him, he bites her lower lip.

She gasps and practically _melts_  on him when his tongue slides in, warm and soft. 

She's had kisses before... but not like _this_. Not the kind that lights a roaring fire in her belly and ignites electricity throughout her veins.

"Obi-" She gaspes like a drowning woman, hands slipping and curling into his soft dark hair.

"Mmhm." He pulls back, lips dragging slowly apart with a soft click, his eyes take her in, dark, and  _wanting_.

She swallows, her hand gently cupping his face."I'm sorry I took so long." She whispers softly, body still hot and pressing against his.

Obi lets out a beathless, short laugh and touches his forehead to hers. "Oh Miss, I would have waited a thousand lifetimes if I knew I had a chance."

That makes her heart twitch, "I'm sorry." She looks pained for a moment.

Obi doesn't like it,"Nothing to be sorry about Miss. Being near you was more than I deserved."

She answers with a soft, shy kiss, which effectively distracts him for quite some time.

                 _________

The morning finds them wrapped up in each other in her bed, sheets tangled around their legs. She'd been so emotionally spent last night that she'd fallen asleep heavily, Obi stayed because she asked him to.

Shirayuki feels wonderfully warm and comfortable when she wakes. Her body is tucked against his, sliding perfectly togeather, as if they were made...

She blinks sleepily up at him, his sharp face is soft when he sleeps, lips parted, breathing level as his chest rises and falls rhythmically. He looks peaceful, and warm.

Her heart swells at the incredible tingling sensation that runs through her. He's here, with her, like he always is. This felt familiar, _safe_. Something she wants to wake up feeling for the rest of her life.

"Obi?"

"Mmhm?" He answers, eyes still closed, short dark lashes flicker a little.

"I love you."

He intakes a sharp breath, eyes open suddenly, showing the glimmering gold under the lids. He stares at her for a long silent moment. She's suddenly afraid she has said the wrong thing.

He lets his head fall back and laughs. _Really_ laughs. A happy, real, ringing from his soul, laugh.

"Oh gods, you- _oh_ _Miss._ "He breaths, when he looks at her, she forgets what breathing is.

He's wearing the most open, _warm,_ look of sheer _adoration_ that-

Her heart is trying to kill her with it's sudden spike in speed.

Somehow... she's seen glimpses of _that_ look, but she never... it was always forcefully subdued. And now she was seeing the full feeling of it.

Obi _loves_ her. He's loved her for _so_ long.

That fact alone makes her nearly ready to burst.

Zen had been her heart for a few years. But as their lives kept moving, they moved in opposite direction. Although he was sweet and her first love, he was a prince to Clarines first. She was only one of its people. She couldn't handle keeping up with his circles and not being herself.

She needs dirt, and plants, and adventures, and feelings of warmth and genuine lives to be a part of.

Marrying Zen would have stifled that. 

But with Obi... He didn't have any circles to fit into. She didn't have to put on any sort of fake to fit into his world for him.

Obi slid into her life so easily, she couldn't see herself without him. Not anymore.

She may have _wanted_ Zen before, but she _needed_ Obi now.

That in itself was reason enough to know her refusul of Zen's proposal wasn't wrong.

She'd have to fix any jagged edges she may have made, but Zen was her friend above everything else.

He'd understand. She believes he already does.

"Obi."

"Yes Miss."

"I think... I need to go talk to Zen. Then, I want to go back to Lyiras."

She'd only come back because Zen had asked her too.

He nods, "Shall I escort you to Master then?"

"No. No, I need to do this by myself." And she will.

She will.

                  ________

 

_It's funny how lives wind togeather. Human beings are such fragile creatures, without the ability to even control their own fates. What is right one day may not feel the same the next._

_Life is a tangled web, filled with wants and needs. It's the duty of the human being to unwind it and discover the differences between them...._

**Author's Note:**

> Hope that was worth the read.  
> Also just a note, I slipped a snippit of Haki/Izana mentioning because Sabraeal.... it's all her fault.  
> If you haven't read her Haki/Izana story yet. Go. Now. You'll love it.  
> It called 'A Lion to Terrify the Wolves'  
> It's so fun!!


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